just wanted to see if you were doing any better and if you'd like a friend. regardless, I'm here, okay? I'll probably be in my room the rest of the night.
the rollercoaster never ends. try to get some sleep, okay? I'll be up for a while. but for teh record, I don;t think you fucked anything up right now - it's everything but you that is.
From: Manuel To: Danielle Subject: I wish I could believe that.
I really do. But I told her to go, and she went.
She picks the _damndest_ times to be obedient. She knew who killed my father. She wouldn't tell me. I was prepared to pry it out of her skull - I used the idea to peek in deeper, to see what she did not want me to see.
I'm such a shit.
I miss her. I miss her so unbelievably much that it's like a hole in my mind - or in what passes for my soul. I thought I could be like everyone else, be just like one of you. I wanted to be, honestly. Just a face in the crowd, just another person.
Stop that. Please. I'm sure Amanda had her reasons, or something. I don't think she would have intentionally hurt you, she loves you, you know? Maybe she thought not telling you was the better option - because sometimes you hurt someone even if you don't mean to.
Wanna do something tomorrow? I don't know what - but go out, get lost, something? I found a really pretty meadowy place when I was out driving a few weeks back - it is kinda wet and icky now, but I think it will be beautiful once everything starts blooming.
You know how it goes.
Date: 2005-04-12 01:52 am (UTC)To: Danielle
Subject: Good moments and bad moments.
So far, today has been mostly bad moments. I talked to Nathan, and that usually does not go well. Today especially so.
I'm just tired, Danielle. Tired of being on the outside, tired of my power, tired of Amanda and her _shit_, tired of always fucking it all up.
I'm tired.
Manuel
Re: You know how it goes.
Date: 2005-04-12 01:59 am (UTC)the rollercoaster never ends. try to get some sleep, okay? I'll be up for a while. but for teh record, I don;t think you fucked anything up right now - it's everything but you that is.
Danielle
Reply.
Date: 2005-04-12 11:16 am (UTC)To: Danielle
Subject: I wish I could believe that.
I really do. But I told her to go, and she went.
She picks the _damndest_ times to be obedient. She knew who killed my father. She wouldn't tell me. I was prepared to pry it out of her skull - I used the idea to peek in deeper, to see what she did not want me to see.
I'm such a shit.
I miss her. I miss her so unbelievably much that it's like a hole in my mind - or in what passes for my soul. I thought I could be like everyone else, be just like one of you. I wanted to be, honestly. Just a face in the crowd, just another person.
I should know better.
Manuel
Re: Reply.
Date: 2005-04-12 03:50 pm (UTC)Wanna do something tomorrow? I don't know what - but go out, get lost, something? I found a really pretty meadowy place when I was out driving a few weeks back - it is kinda wet and icky now, but I think it will be beautiful once everything starts blooming.
Dani
Yeah, I think I would.
Date: 2005-04-12 03:53 pm (UTC)To: Danielle
Subject: Sounds good.
A place where I can thin out the shields a little and just grieve sounds pretty good to me. Lost sounds like a pretty good place to be.
I should warn you - it likely won't be very pretty to watch.
Manuel
Re: Yeah, I think I would.
Date: 2005-04-12 03:55 pm (UTC)I don't think I'm in any position to judge - and might join you.