Email to Marie
Feb. 18th, 2004 12:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xp_daytripper posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
xp_communicationTo: Ancato, Marie
From: Sefton, Amanda
Subject: thinking
Its to soon. I know its to soon, but I have to say something at least before things start getting all muddled in me head again.
You asked me if I'd thought about what would happen. To tell the truth, I didn't think at all. Haven't been for a while now. I've been running on magic an feelings ever since I got here an its not a combination that makes for thinking about things. Reacting yes, but not the follow-through. So all I thought of was how sick I was of Ramsey moping around the place like a wet cat, an about how much better 'n me he thought he was with his morals an the whole love thing an... an I wanted to... test him I suppose. Show him he's no different from me, or maybe show meself he is. An if he did decide to use the potion, well, it was gunna be a laugh, right?
Only there was more than Doug involved, an that was the part I didn't think about.
I'm not good with people. Not long term, Never had to be, never knew the same person for long, except for Rack. An he isn't exactly a person. So I don't tend to think about things in the long term, its all about immediate results an then I'm off somewhere else before the shit hits the fan. An there was never a time when I cared, neither, what happened to someone else.
But I'm tired of living like that, it's making me into someone like Manny an I don't want to be that way. You lot here have given me a chance, trusted me, an I threw it back in your faces an I don't deserve another chance, but I'm asking for one any way cause its important to me. You're important to me, or you could be. I'd like too see if that's right, if you'll let me.
I meant what I said, about doing any thing to fix this. You say the word an I'll do it. An if that word's fuck off, then I'll do that to.
I'll keep out of yer face in the mean time. Like I said, its to soon, an you don't need me reminding you of what I done.
A.
From: Sefton, Amanda
Subject: thinking
Its to soon. I know its to soon, but I have to say something at least before things start getting all muddled in me head again.
You asked me if I'd thought about what would happen. To tell the truth, I didn't think at all. Haven't been for a while now. I've been running on magic an feelings ever since I got here an its not a combination that makes for thinking about things. Reacting yes, but not the follow-through. So all I thought of was how sick I was of Ramsey moping around the place like a wet cat, an about how much better 'n me he thought he was with his morals an the whole love thing an... an I wanted to... test him I suppose. Show him he's no different from me, or maybe show meself he is. An if he did decide to use the potion, well, it was gunna be a laugh, right?
Only there was more than Doug involved, an that was the part I didn't think about.
I'm not good with people. Not long term, Never had to be, never knew the same person for long, except for Rack. An he isn't exactly a person. So I don't tend to think about things in the long term, its all about immediate results an then I'm off somewhere else before the shit hits the fan. An there was never a time when I cared, neither, what happened to someone else.
But I'm tired of living like that, it's making me into someone like Manny an I don't want to be that way. You lot here have given me a chance, trusted me, an I threw it back in your faces an I don't deserve another chance, but I'm asking for one any way cause its important to me. You're important to me, or you could be. I'd like too see if that's right, if you'll let me.
I meant what I said, about doing any thing to fix this. You say the word an I'll do it. An if that word's fuck off, then I'll do that to.
I'll keep out of yer face in the mean time. Like I said, its to soon, an you don't need me reminding you of what I done.
A.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-18 07:26 pm (UTC)from: <em>
subject: re: thinking
-----------
I didn't think you were thinking. That was kind of the best case scenario and I'll take your word for it. That's something that scared me so much, that it felt so natural I was afraid I'd never notice and... I'd never be me again and never know it. It scared the hell out of me. Part of me is just so damn grateful that it was only a stupid idea gone bad... I don't know what I'd do if it was something more... let's just not go there.
I'd rather see you around than not. You don't have to avoid me. We might as well get to patching this all up, right? Still have to live under the same roof and all and we might get some good out of each other still, you know? I try not to burn my bridges. I might take the house down with me. So... don't avoid me on my account. Worst that'll happen is I'll burst into tears or something stupid and if I do, I probably needed it anyway.
Marie
Re:
Date: 2004-02-18 07:39 pm (UTC)Ta. For giving me a chance.
If I'm not around, its not because of you. Well, not mostly. I'm... not in a good place right now, and I need to sort meself out before I'm fit company. Don't want to stop thinking again an do even more damage. But we'll talk, before I go at least.
A.
Re:
Date: 2004-02-18 07:58 pm (UTC)Em